Dear Aristotle Mendoza,
This is going to be a short address, because no matter how much I talk about you, I’ll always have so much more to say.
Your existence is poetic. How do you manage to be so nihilistic yet provide so much comfort at the same time? Just like you said “Words were different when they lived inside of you”, words also became so much more real once you said it. You make simple thoughts burst with essence of life. I’ve felt joy with you; I’ve felt pain with you; I’ve cried with you, and for you. When you were in the hospital after that horrid accident, I was the one feeling pain. Or any other times you were hurt as well, really. Your coming-of-age story was so relatable that for a moment it felt like we are living the same lives. You have comforted me in ways probably no person has, while making life slightly bearable during these tough times.
You once said and I quote, “Through that telescope, the world was closer and larger than I’d ever imagined. And it was all so beautiful and overwhelming and I – I don’t know – it made me aware that there was something inside of me that mattered”, and that has forever stuck with me. I keep reminding myself of this in times of distress. You call Mr. Quintana and Dante brave, but you’re the bravest person I can think of. You faced your reality, one step at a time and that is the bravest thing one can ever do. Your story has caused some very wretched states for me, and I’ve often wondered why I keep going back to it if it’s so melancholic, but it also ended up being a catalyst for my healing process. Maybe we do just live between hurting and healing.
You also once stated that ‘you didn’t know how to express what you hold inside of you’. Well, I do. You hold so much kindness, bravery, and compassion for the entire world, even though you may not express it using words. You hold so much love, Ari. There is so much love filled in you, even though you feel like you don’t know how to love and that the emotion is too heavy for you to carry. You love harder than most people, and you hide it very well. You yourself, cannot grasp the level of intensity of your love. You loved your brother, and you tried despising everyone because you missed him so much. You have so much love for Dante, which you weren’t even aware of for a long, long time. I mean, who would jump in front of a car, without having any second thoughts, for someone they didn’t love wildly? You love, that’s all you do.
Just like ‘Boys like you belonged in the rain’, I belong in the rain too. Your extravagant metaphors are somehow too easy for me to decipher. You have created this weird sense of relatability for me. Everything you say is something I feel so strongly, and cannot often express into words. You were my safe escape, my breath of fresh air in this insane, unkind, terrible world. I don’t know if you can find the mysteries of the universe in someone’s hand, but I have definitely solved plenty of my inner mysteries, because of you. Thank you, for being you.
Love,
Just another person who loves swimming, and you.
Manal Qureshi
This letter was one of the top ten entries in the P.S. I Love Literature Letter Writing Competition of The Novel Room, our Book Discussion Club. Students wrote letters to characters, writers, poets, books as part of a creative review and response activity, and these were read out in the session on April 29, 2021.
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